By Casey Mangnall, PsyD, Licensed Psychologist
Utah Center for Psychological Services
If you’ve ever been to therapy before, you might have had this experience:
You’re struggling. Maybe you’re overthinking, reliving past experiences, or feeling stuck or hopeless…and you’re given a worksheet about how to
“change your thoughts.”
And you think…
“Right. Because it never occurred to me to just…stop thinking this way.”
If that resonates, you’re not alone. For many people, trying to control or change thoughts can feel frustrating, exhausting, and honestly a little impossible. Our minds are incredibly powerful. On the other side of the same coin, our minds are also incredibly stubborn.
Try this for a second:
Don’t picture an elephant.
Seriously. Don’t do it.
…You probably just pictured one.
That’s exactly the point.
The more we try to control our thoughts, the more tangled up we tend to get in them. This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers something different—and for many people, something much more effective. Learn more about ACT and https://www.abct.org/fact-sheets/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy/
A Different Approach: Stop Fighting Your Mind
ACT (pronounced like the word “act”) shifts the focus away from trying to change your thoughts and instead helps you change your relationship to them. Rather than asking: “How do I get rid of this thought?” ACT asks: “How do I live the life I want, even if this thought is here?”
This is a subtle shift, but it’s incredibly powerful. Because the truth is:
- We don’t control what thoughts show up
- We can’t always control how we feel
- But we can control what we do.
And that’s where real change happens.
Why ACT Is So Helpful for Feeling Stuck
One of the biggest patterns ACT helps with is avoidance.
Avoidance can look like:
- Putting off things that matter because you feel anxious
- Avoiding conversations, risks, or opportunities
- Staying in your comfort zone even when it’s not working for you
- Waiting to “feel better” before taking action
It makes sense why we do this. No one wants to feel uncomfortable. But over time, avoidance tends to shrink our lives.
ACT helps you gently step out of that pattern by helping you move forward with your thoughts and feelings, instead of waiting for them to disappear.
The Core Ideas of ACT (In Real Life)
Let’s break down a few key ACT concepts in a way that actually makes sense outside of a textbook.
- Acceptance: Making Space for What You Can’t Control
Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up or liking how you feel.
It means recognizing: Some thoughts and feelings are just part of being human. Instead of constantly fighting them, ACT helps you make space for them so that they stop running the show.
A helpful way to think about this is the serenity prayer: Accept the things we cannot change. You may not be able to stop a wave of anxiety from showing up, but you can learn how to ride it without letting it take over your life.
- Cognitive Defusion: You Are Not Your Thoughts
Our minds are constantly telling us stories:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “This will go badly.”
- “I can’t handle this.”
When we’re fused with these thoughts, they feel like facts.
Defusion is the skill of stepping back and seeing thoughts for what they are:
Just thoughts.
Not truth. Not reality. Not commands.
When you create a little distance, you gain choice.
Instead of:
“I can’t do this.”
It becomes:
“I’m having the thought that I can’t do this.”
That small shift creates space. That space gives you freedom to act differently.
- Values: What Actually Matters to You
ACT isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you build a life that feels meaningful. That starts with identifying your values. Values are not goals. They’re ongoing directions, things like:
- Connection
- Growth
- Honesty
- Freedom
- Family
- Courage
You don’t “achieve” a value. You live it.
When you’re clear on what matters, decisions become easier. You’re no longer just reacting to thoughts and emotions; you’re choosing a direction.
- Committed Action: Doing What Matters (Even When It’s Hard)
This is where ACT really stands out. Instead of waiting to feel ready, confident, calm, etc., ACT helps you take action in service of your values, even when your mind is loud.
Because here’s the truth:
Your mind may never fully agree with what matters to you.
And that’s okay.
You can still move forward.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Let’s make this concrete.
Example 1: Anxiety and Avoidance
- Scenario: Upcoming plans for a social event
- Thought: “I’m going to embarrass myself.”
- Typical response: Cancel plans, avoid the situation
- ACT approach: Notice the thought, allow the anxiety, and still show up because connection matters to you
Example 2: Self-Doubt at Work
- Scenario: Opportunity to take on a challenging task
- Thought: “I’m not qualified for this.”
- Typical response: Stay small, don’t speak up
- ACT approach: Acknowledge the thought, create distance from it, and contribute anyway because growth is important to you
The “Passengers on the Bus” Metaphor
One of the most helpful ways to understand ACT is through the passengers on the bus metaphor. Imagine you’re driving a bus. Your passengers are your thoughts and feelings. Some are pleasant. Others are loud, critical, and uncomfortable. They might say:
- “You’re not good enough.”
- “Turn back.”
- “This is a bad idea.”
If you let them drive, your life becomes smaller and more restricted.
ACT teaches you something different:
You don’t have to kick them off the bus.
You just don’t let them drive.
You stay in the driver’s seat—moving toward what matters—while allowing those passengers to come along for the ride.
What ACT Is Not
There are a few common misconceptions worth clearing up:
- Acceptance is not giving up
- It’s not ignoring your feelings
- It’s not pretending everything is okay
Instead, ACT is about:
- Being honest about your internal experience
- Letting go of the struggle to control it
- And building a life that feels meaningful anyway
What Changes With ACT?
People often notice:
- A sense of relief from not having to fight their thoughts constantly
- More confidence in handling difficult emotions
- Greater clarity about what matters
- The ability to move forward, even when things feel hard
Instead of waiting to feel better before living your life…
You start living your life and often feel better along the way.
If You’re Considering Therapy
If you’ve felt stuck in patterns of overthinking, avoidance, or self-doubt, ACT might be a really good fit. It’s practical, flexible, and focused on helping you build a life that actually feels like yours, not one dictated by your thoughts.
If you’re curious, reaching out for a consultation can be a great first step. You don’t have to have everything figured out. You just have to be willing to start.
Learn more: https://contextualscience.org/act
FAQs About Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is an evidence-based approach to therapy that helps people build a more meaningful life by changing their relationship with thoughts and emotions, rather than trying to eliminate them. ACT focuses on acceptance, mindfulness, and taking action aligned with your values.
How is ACT different from traditional cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)?
While both ACT and CBT are effective, they take slightly different approaches. Traditional CBT often focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thoughts. ACT, on the other hand, focuses on helping you step back from your thoughts (rather than fighting them) and take meaningful action even when those thoughts are present.
What issues can ACT help with?
ACT is commonly used to help with:
- Anxiety and panic
- Depression
- Stress and burnout
- Trauma-related symptoms
- OCD and intrusive thoughts
- Chronic pain and health conditions
- Life transitions and feeling “stuck”
It’s especially helpful for people who feel caught in cycles of overthinking or avoidance.
Does ACT mean I have to “accept” feeling anxious or depressed forever?
No. Acceptance in ACT doesn’t mean resigning yourself to feeling bad. It means making space for difficult emotions so they don’t control your life. Ironically, when we stop fighting our feelings, they often become more manageable over time.
Is ACT evidence-based?
Yes. ACT is supported by a large and growing body of research and is considered an evidence-based treatment for a wide range of mental health concerns. Learn more: https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/acceptance-commitment-therapy
What happens in an ACT therapy session?
ACT therapy is collaborative and practical. Sessions often include:
- Learning skills to relate differently to thoughts
- Identifying your core values
- Practicing mindfulness and awareness
- Setting small, meaningful actions aligned with your goals
The focus is less on “fixing” thoughts and more on helping you build a life that feels meaningful.
How long does ACT take to work?
This varies from person to person, but many people begin noticing shifts within a few sessions, especially in how they relate to their thoughts and emotions. Over time, these changes can lead to meaningful improvements in daily life.
About the Author
Dr. Mangnall is a licensed psychologist in Utah. She is the founder of Utah Center for Psychological Services, which offers evidence-based treatment for children and adults struggling with mental health issues, and provides comprehensive psychological and forensic evaluations. Dr. Mangnall is a forensic psychologist who does civil and criminal court ordered evaluations for adolescents and adults, such as competency to proceed, parental fitness, and violence risk assessments. She has been retained as an expert witness in matters related to civil and criminal cases. Learn more about her work at https://utahcenterforpsychologicalservices.com/